


(Lovers) Live and Die Fortissimo

by arborealstops



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Death, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22479565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arborealstops/pseuds/arborealstops
Summary: **MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS, CHECK TAGS**The end of the little band.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Trina/Mendel Weisenbachfeld, Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 33





	(Lovers) Live and Die Fortissimo

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [everything will be alright... in the end](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19018336) by [MadelaineHeartEyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadelaineHeartEyes/pseuds/MadelaineHeartEyes). 



> It's not an intentional goal to write a Major Character Death fic for every one of my fandoms, I swear. But I read a fic months ago, I watched Falsettos days ago, and then the two of them mixed, and... tada. One of these days, I promise, I will realize that fans have already had enough emotional trauma for one lifetime, but until then, I add more.

_If only Whizzer had known what his death would start..._

Mendel had no trouble being angry with Whizzer Brown. Blaming Whizzer made it seem almost acceptable, almost understandable that he hadn't seen what had been happening around him, the small occurrences that led to this. Hell, if he was passing blame, he could just as easily accuse Marvin- how selfish, how utterly selfish, to take his own life when all of them were still reeling from Whizzer's death. Didn't Marvin know that that would only send his beloved Trina into a seemingly endless downward spiral?

_You should have known that._

If it hadn't been for Whizzer's disease, Marvin never would have died. The news had come as a shock to all of them- told with a visit from Charlotte, who hadn't been able to resuscitate him. Charlotte, who broke down on their welcome mat before sharing the news. Charlotte, who liked to come out winning, who hadn't been able to save two of her closest friends, who knew exactly what combination of sleeping pills could put her back in charge, could give her the relief she so desperately craved. 

_Maybe if you'd been a better psychiatrist..._

When Cordelia said she couldn't bear to return to their home alone, Jason had been the first to offer his bedroom. Trina quickly agree, doing her best, wanting to keep what was left of their little band as close as she could. That was the first big fight between them; Mendel wasn't normally an angry person, but he'd brought Trina to tears. He'd never felt so bad in his life. 

_If you'd been a better husband, you wouldn't be here._

Jason had been doing his best to take up as little space as possible- sleeping on the couch, staying with friends, hardly eating, wasting away in front of of Mendel's unseeing eyes. He was quiet now, solemn. Dodged his mother's love, Cordelia's food. Perhaps he was scared. Mendel wouldn't know. He spent days upon days at work, only returning home to sleep and eat. 

_Maybe if you had actually spent time with your family..._

Cordelia's call had been a surprise. It shouldn't have been. Mendel should have seen it- the bags under Trina's eyes, the weight loss, the seemingly permanent tear tracks on her cheeks. She barely kissed Mendel anymore, but there was still food, and she slept in his bed. That was all she did, but Mendel hardly noticed. So when Cordelia called him at work, in a panic, tripping over her words, Marvin had been surprised. Shocked. Confused. He'd never expected to hear the words "Trina," "cutes," and "blood" to be strung together in such a way. 

_Maybe if you had paid more attention..._

He'd gone to the hospital with Jason and Cordelia. Held Trina's hand. Apologized, for what he'd done. What he hadn't done. What he would do. He told Jason he was sorry, told Cordelia to take care of them. They'd been confused, of course they had. Because out of all of them, Mendel was the healthiest, the least affected by what was going on around him. But he stared at the bandages on Trina's wrist, remembered how he had once craved them, and he couldn't take it any longer. The guilt was slowly crushing him. 

_You could have saved them._

The metal is cold against his lips, but his breath warms it slightly. The air is tangy, metallic. That voice in his head is chanting that he is to blame. It isn't wrong. There was nothing he could have done to save Whizzer, but if he had been a better psychiatrist, Marvin would still be here. If he'd been a better friend, Charlotte would still be saving lives while her partner cooked. If he'd been a better husband, Trina would be here, instead of fighting death in a hospital bed. 

_If only you'd been better._

The taste of gunpowder and metal isn't altogether unpleasant. The chill of metal against his lips makes him wonder... will it hurt? It should. He deserves it. The barrel fits in his lips like a holster, rests in his mouth. The taste is sharp, bitter, morbidly right. His finger rests on the trigger. He reminds himself that Trina, Jason, and Cordelia have each other. That they wouldn't need each other like this if only he'd been better. 

_It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is your fault. It is-_


End file.
